HERITAGE THEATRE LINE-UP

The line-up for the next four months at Heritage Theatre in Hillcrest is as follows:

February 1 to 27: THE JAZZ SINGER. After several sell-out seasons at The Heritage Theatre and many requests to bring it back, Gary McKenzie is re-staging this vibrant musical tribute to Neil Diamond – as a taster before the performer brings his world tour to Durban. The tribute, which stars Grant Bell and Barry Thomson, features many of his hit records such as Sweet Caroline, Brother Love’s Travelling Salvation Show, Porcupine Pie, Red Red Wine, I Am I Said, Cracklin' Rosie, Holly Holy, as well as others he wrote for movies including Hello Again, Love on The Rocks, Heartlight and Song Sung Blue. For some 35 years, Neil Diamond has been the people's singer. From his early days as a Brill Building songwriter-for-hire, to his still-yearly presence in arenas all over the US, Diamond has shared his brand of catchy, hard to classify pop songs with the masses. It's not unusual to see two or more generations of family attending his shows together.

March 1 to 13: Bend It Like Beauty. Radio personality, writer and comic sensation Ben Voss is back with his incorrigible alter-ego Beauty Ramapelepele. As the gap between Africa and the West widens, Beauty is torn between the capitalist trappings of western society and the familiar traditions of her home, South Africa. To keep her options open she has strengthened her ANC ties and at the same time taken an all expenses first class trip with the department of tourism to showcase South Africa to the old foe, England as well as some other western powers. That's what her itinerary says anyway. But is she just looking to fast track her own immigration? In Bend it Like Beauty, South Africa's loudmouth seers the colonizer she is trying to impress and skewers the ailing colony she is tired of living in. With vitriolic candour she dishes out her verdict on her trip to the United Kingdom and what it is like to be a South African abroad. In the process she answers such pressing questions as: Should "British Museum" not just read "Britain - a Museum" Why do Indians in London talk with an English accent and why are western politicians so much more expensive? Also she checks out whether, on his visit to the UK, Jacob Zuma made it into Buckingham Palace during the Changing Of The Guard and showed the Queen his own crown jewels and could Julius get into Britain on a woodwork scholarship?

March 15 to April 3: Ballies And Babes. A collection of songs and music for old and young alike all strung together with the age-old argument, that the music of today isn't music. It was better back in the day... or was it? This brand new show features Gary McKenzie, John Didlick, Marion Loudon and Lauren Laing showcasing the songs that shaped the musical landscape of yesteryear, poignantly juxtaposed with current hits and some "misses". Expect Elvis, Frank Sinatra and Nat King Cole trading punches with Nelly Furtado, The Black Eyed Peas and Beyonce. Oh, and a few one liners for good measure.

April 5 to May 1: Reality Bites. Reality TV will never be the same again. Aaron McIlroy and Lisa Bobbert, the irrepressible husband-and-wife comedy duo, are set to unleash waves of hilarity over their fans with their hot-property show. Reality Bites spotlights the inimitable showbiz couple as they probe the global obsession with instant celebrities spawned by that media malaise of our age, the reality television show. Aided and abetted by DJ KingB, alias Nathan Redpath, McIlroy and Bobbert, in the guise of their vacuous stage alter egos, Bruce and Charmaine Siringinson, promise to demolish any misconceptions we may cling to about what it takes to become an overnight sensation. Picture the upwardly-mobile Charmaine, dragging that ultimate loser of a hubbie of hers, the hapless Bruce, mercilessly along in her wake, as she gatecrashes the tantalising world of botoxed silver-screen sirens, nipped-and-tucked personal trainers, know-it-all lifestyle experts, ruthlessly outspoken fashion-stylists, and the rest. Reality Bites promises a fast-paced evening of satire and mirth. The show is liberally laced with up-beat musical interludes and in-your-face multi-media inserts, featuring ‘celebrity guests’ who are drawn from McIlroy and Bobbert’s inexhaustible gallery of stage characters – all quick to offer their own advice on how to upgrade your personal branding, and attain instant material success.

May 3 to 8: The Bats. Still going after all these years. Heritage offers an evening of fun and frivolity with Eddie Ekstein, Paul Dichfield, Pete Clifford and Derek Gordon, in their show, Loudly South African. The show includes many old favourites such as Shabby Little Hut and is highly entertaining. It sold out last year and is guaranteed to be a sell-out again, so early booking is advised.

Tickets for all shows are R190 Wednesday to Saturday at 19h00 (R165 Tuesday at 19h00 and Sunday at 12h30) include a two-course meal,. To book call 031 765 4197 or go to www.heritagetheatre.co.za (NB: Some shows may also offer special low-price previews.)